1. L.A. Lakers: With Shaq out, Jackson better uncross legs.

2. San Antonio: Smith's shooting caused that Alamodome fire.

3. Sacramento: Webber's ankle being scrutinized like Hill's.

4. Minnesota: Billups playing like he has under-the-table deal.

5. Dallas: Mellowing Cuban hasn't yet been fined.

6. New Jersey: Kenyon Martin having knockdown season.

7. Milwaukee: Thomas should split his checks with Cassell.

8. Boston: Someone tell Walker he's no Dale Ellis.

9. Indiana: Every payday is Christmas for Croshere.

10. Phoenix: Suns showing fighting spirit ? in practice.

11. Detroit: Blue-collar team is in a recession.

12. L.A. Clippers: Homecoming party to soon end.

13. Toronto: Michael (Yogi) Stewart has been sighted.

14. Seattle: Include trade-Payton advocates in military tribunals.

15. Portland: Van Gundy spotted at Rose Garden without bags under eyes.

16. Utah: Malone gave up MVP chase for Oscar nomination.

17. New York: Man of minimum moves (Camby) wants touches.

18. Washington: Asinine thought of season: Jordan hampering Wizards.

19. Orlando: Poof! Hill's injury evaporates Orlando's title hopes.

20. Charlotte: Low point: Hornets miss Mr. Whoop-de-darn-do.

21. Philadelphia: Mutombo using all 24 seconds for post moves.

22. Denver: Only thing Issel mulled was final buyout amount.

23. Cleveland: Wesley's shot still like a missing Person.

24. Golden State: Richardson's dunks are Woe-rriors' only highlights.

25. Atlanta: Restless Ted Turner might try to replace Lucas.

26. Houston: Rockets experimenting with wins.

27. Miami: Riley has enough material to pen "The Loser Within."

28. Memphis: Big Continent still missing.

29. Chicago: George O'Leary and Rick Barry should apply to coach.