1. L.A. Lakers: With Shaq out, Jackson better uncross legs.
2. San Antonio: Smith's shooting caused that Alamodome fire.
3. Sacramento: Webber's ankle being scrutinized like Hill's.
4. Minnesota: Billups playing like he has under-the-table deal.
5. Dallas: Mellowing Cuban hasn't yet been fined.
6. New Jersey: Kenyon Martin having knockdown season.
7. Milwaukee: Thomas should split his checks with Cassell.
8. Boston: Someone tell Walker he's no Dale Ellis.
9. Indiana: Every payday is Christmas for Croshere.
10. Phoenix: Suns showing fighting spirit ? in practice.
11. Detroit: Blue-collar team is in a recession.
12. L.A. Clippers: Homecoming party to soon end.
13. Toronto: Michael (Yogi) Stewart has been sighted.
14. Seattle: Include trade-Payton advocates in military tribunals.
15. Portland: Van Gundy spotted at Rose Garden without bags under eyes.
16. Utah: Malone gave up MVP chase for Oscar nomination.
17. New York: Man of minimum moves (Camby) wants touches.
18. Washington: Asinine thought of season: Jordan hampering Wizards.
19. Orlando: Poof! Hill's injury evaporates Orlando's title hopes.
20. Charlotte: Low point: Hornets miss Mr. Whoop-de-darn-do.
21. Philadelphia: Mutombo using all 24 seconds for post moves.
22. Denver: Only thing Issel mulled was final buyout amount.
23. Cleveland: Wesley's shot still like a missing Person.
24. Golden State: Richardson's dunks are Woe-rriors' only highlights.
25. Atlanta: Restless Ted Turner might try to replace Lucas.
26. Houston: Rockets experimenting with wins.
27. Miami: Riley has enough material to pen "The Loser Within."
28. Memphis: Big Continent still missing.
29. Chicago: George O'Leary and Rick Barry should apply to coach.